Admitting It Isn't Agreeing With It

Nicole Morris: Actually, got some feedback from a leader recently that they weren't feeling comfortable with where things were. Yeah, they were absolutely right to feel that way because I hadn't given them the tools that they needed to have the visibility into progress, Nicole Morris: and and you know, in the back of your mind, like I kind of knew, right? Devon Morris: This is The Lagging Team. Devon Morris: Falling behind is a position, not a verdict. Every week, we work to change that outcome. Listen to what she didn't do. She did not defend it. She didn't explain why the leader had it wrong, and she also didn't decide she was actually failing. She said they're right. She then got off that call and called her own leadership and told them what she needed to actually fix it. This right here, that particular move, most of us don't even think about making. We're too busy passing the actual blame, and it's because we think that it's a different move than what it really truly is. See, somebody somewhere is on a team that's behind right now. The room is split where that team is at. Everybody's standing in their own corners, one camp is thinking it's not fair. The label doesn't actually fit. You don't know what this team is really dealing with. They push back. They protect the team. The other camp, stop being defensive. Own it. Call it what it actually is. But hey, be fair to both of them because both their probably instincts are decent at best. One loyalty, one is honesty, right? Most of us have been in one of those camps, but I'm gonna assume that most of us have been in both of those camps sometimes in the same week, but notice what both of them are arguing about the actual label, whether it fits, whether it's fair. Nobody in either camp has gone and really checked everything out. See, this is The Lagging Team, falling behind is a position, not a verdict. I'm Dr. Devon Morris, and this right here is a Sidebar. See, on Tuesdays I sit down with somebody. On Thursdays, I take one thing that they said and go all the way in on it. Today, it's two words we treat like they're the same: acknowledge and agree. See, here's the deal: on Tuesday, my guest Nicole Lynn Morris, who full disclosure that's my wife, I told you all at that particular time, has spent what 17 years running implementations, and is the founder of Labels Be Gone. She has a book. She's done a bunch of amazing things. See, I opened that conversation with the premise: a team gets called behind long before anybody proves it, and I still believe that actually happens. But her first right pushback happened during that conversation, and you know what? I can say this: she was right. If deliverables are actually not being met on time, then from my perspective as a as a client facing PM, the team is is behind. There there's no way to shape. And I should have said it first, right? Because sometimes a team that's behind is behind. The deliverable is actually late, and no amount of messaging, no amount of anything is going to change that from being late. See, my premise was about the label arriving just too early, right? I let it sound like the label was usually wrong. Is it? It's usually unchecked. Is the problem unchecked? You kept hearing in that conversation why, why, why? Let's go check why. Let's go figure out some. Let's go check why. See, that's a different problem, and it's what the episode really hinged on. See, so here's the problem with a label that is fair. It's really the wrong argument if you're arguing if that label is fair, not because fairness doesn't matter, it truly does matter. A lot of people will feel some kind of way if they don't feel like they're being treated fairly, and I am absolutely one of those people, no doubt. The thing is, is that while in the room, you can argue about it, about whether that label is fair or not. Nobody's finding out whether it is true is the problem, right? Think about each camp and what they're supposed to do next. See that not fair camp spends the week proving that they're they're not behind. Sometimes the right thing, man, is just to own it. Just to own it. Spend a week proving that you can take that hit, right, and have the transparency to deal with it. Not a bunch of people performing in either one of those rooms. See, neither one of those camps actually opens the plan and takes a look. Was the expectation actually set right? Is the deliverable actually late? And against what? And here's the part that should land for most of you. The team that's busy proving it isn't behind has stopped checking whether it is truly behind. See, that's the real cost. And guess what? All that checking does absolutely nothing to help you deliver. It's time and attention going to an argument instead of the actual work itself. See, Nicole's had a phrase for this on Tuesday: proving through overvalidation, showing more, saying more, defending more. It feels like effort. It's effort pointed at the wrong thing is the problem. See, I asked Nicole what a team should do the moment that label lands. She runs a lot of large implementations, and you know, across a lot of departments that have a lot of different skills, and her answer wasn't what I expected. She said the first move is to take the risk and acknowledge what is actually happening. Embrace it. Embrace the perspective, it reduces the the automatic defensiveness. That's honest, man. That is honest, right? It's just kind of like whoa, that's refreshing. So what she really said to me was embrace it, not believe it. Embrace it, so you can actually stop defending it and start checking to see what is the reality. All right, so here's the part that I want to actually give you in that acknowledgement and agreement. We use them like one word. If I say that could be true, and you hear I agree, and if I agree, I'm admitting something about who we are. Acknowledging is about the situation itself. That could be true. Let's check. It's actually provisional. It's about the deliverable. This date, this plan. It ends when you've actually checked. Agree is about identity. Yeah, we're the behind team, Man, no matter how you put that, that feels final. It's about who you are, and it doesn't end when the work actually gets fixed. Is the problem? They're really two different statements, and because we hear the first one as the second, we refuse to make either one of them actually true. See, might just step back for a moment, right, and think about the work that I've been close to. Defensiveness is what happens when acknowledging and agreeing. Lapse into one word. If saying that could be true means accepting a verdict on who I am, then of course I will not say it to you. I'm not going to. Nobody would in their own right mind. Refusing is an absolute rational move, especially for a lot of you all that ain't about to get fired, right? And that's why teams and leaders fight labels they could have checked in a few minutes in an afternoon. It's not stubbornness, y'all. It really isn't. It's the only door into checking, Into looking like you just made a confession. See, if you separate the two or the the two of them, the actual door opens up, and you can say out loud in front of them that could be true without saying that's what we are. Two different things. See Nicole's sequence on Tuesday is exactly this: in order, acknowledge first, bam, get it out the way, y'all. Then fairly assess: is this actually accurate? If it is, it is what it is. So why, and what do we need to do to fix it? And if not, what's the message, and who needs to actually hear it? See, the type of efforts that Nicole deal with could have a huge impact on people and their health if they don't actually deliver, see that's not a world that I play in. It's not, but late delivery for them could end up being somebody dying. So I want you to notice the sequence, and what that sequence never asks. It never asks, "Is this fair?" It only asks if this is true. Does that make sense? You got to make sure that you make those things clear. Okay. Now here's the deal. On Tuesday, right, Nicole walked through four leaders, right, that come into a room, the expert, the strong one, the peacemaker, the overachiever. We looked at it from her own personal perspective. I asked her which one is the most expensive for a team to work under, and she said the strong one. Because when you're projecting strength, you're afraid to acknowledge the actual risk that actually exists. See, put that next to today's pair. See, to the strong one, acknowledging feels like agreeing. That could be true sounds like I'm not strong, so the strong one can't say that. And she told us what the team does instead. They push through, right? They they deliver, right? And then her words. That's when turnover spikes, burnout spikes, right? I would say a bunch of defects may show up. A lot of things may probably go wrong as well. See, the person with the most power to separate those two words is often the one least able to, because their whole role is built on never saying that could be true. That's why nobody sees it. The leader isn't hiding anything. They just can't make the one move that would let anybody actually check. Anybody check. Then here's the deal. I asked her about the difference between a team that's behind and a team that's always behind, I want you to hear that wording, right? A team that's behind and a team that's always behind. Nicole Morris: So, in the instance where there's a perception that a team is always behind, it's probably true. But then the question becomes that from from my perspective, then that's not about the team. That's about the leader. Devon Morris: Hmm. Listen to that. It's probably true, and not about the team. Hold both of those at once. That's acknowledging without actually agreeing. So here's the deal. Once again, you got to go back to the work. The deliverable actually slipped. Check it, fix it, done. What else needs to be said? Always, it's about leadership, y'all. If the same team is behind on the same kind of deliverable quarter after quarter after quarter after quarter, she's saying the label is probably accurate, and the question moves upstairs. What does this team not have? What are they not being told? Is it even the right team, though? See, her detail that matters asks the people doing the work, not the people leading it. That's a different vantage point. Do you understand? Different answers will come from those places, and so always behind is the one label you should acknowledge the fastest, because it's the one most likely to be telling you something about yourself, especially if you're the dang on leader. Now, here's the thing: a few things before you get back to work. None of these cost you any money. None of these you should need any permission for, right? So, one. Here's the deal. Next time somebody says your team is behind, before you defend, before you agree, say that could be true. Let me check. That's it, out loud in the room. Watch what it does to the temperature. See, nobody can agree, can can nobody can argue, right? With let me check, they just can't argue it, right? I'm gonna get back to you. Let me go check that out. Now here's the deal. Number two. What are we checking here? Because you got to check something. First, is it accurate? Second, if it is, why and what do we need to do? What do you need to do to fix it? Be ready to say what you need at that point. If it isn't, then what's the message, and who needs to actually hear that message? Usually, it's somebody that's a couple levels up beyond this team. Now, do yourself a favor. Write down those answers. That's the whole difference between checking and arguing. You ain't got to argue. Just go check. Number three, turn one declaration into a question. See, Nicole's line on Tuesday was walk into the meeting and make the statements that are less declarative and more curious. Pick one status statement that you normally make flat. Where we're on track, that one's not on us, and ask instead what would tell us we're not on track. See, a declarative invites a challenge. A curious question invites a check. That's the third pair, and it's the one that makes the other two easy. See, here's the deal, right? You are in a situation where I could actually be wrong. It could be me. I'm not in every environment, and and here's the deal: if I am wrong, the only way I would know if I'm wrong is that you check it and you let me know that I'm wrong. Don't you know? Don't just think yourself. Don't do one of those moves. Any one of them, right? Say that could be true. Let me check, and then three things that come back from that: the room cools down, you get time to actually check. Good. That move is actually working at that point. The check says you're really behind. Fine. You found out in a day instead of in a quarter, and now you can say what you need, and that that's still a good working move. See, the acknowledgement gets used against you at times. You say that could be true, and it shows up in a review as an admission, that's the one that would make me wrong. And Nicole named it herself. Some environments aren't safe to be behind in. I've been in those kind of environments. In that room, acknowledging is agreeing, because the system treats it that way. The fix isn't team's honesty at that point. It's the room, and that's a leadership conversation, not a move on Monday or Tuesday. Okay. What you have to understand here is that falling behind is a position, not a verdict, and a lot of teams are stuck in that position right now. Not because they're behind, but because nobody in a room can say that could be true without it sounding like a confession. See, acknowledging is about a situation; agreeing is about who you are. And as long as we hear them as the same exact word, we'll spend our time defending a label instead of checking to see what's truly going on. So next time the word lands, man, don't fight it. Don't even take it on. Admitting it isn't agreeing with it. Say it could be true, and then go find out. Remember the words. Let me check. See if you want to talk about this on one of your teams and how your team looks in regards to this. I want you to go to thelaggingteam.com/start. That's thelaggingteam .com/start. This right here is a Sidebar. Now you know where to look. Thank you for joining us. Where every Tuesday and Thursday we work toward bridging the gap for teams that are behind.